Waiting for options..

Here it is 4:00 in the morning and I am wide awake. Why? I can not stop thinking about my little girl and this "medical journey" we are on. I promised myself I would blog all my feelings and all the steps throughout this. Paislee's cardiologist called today and the big "team meeting" is next week. I knew it was this month but the fact the doctor calls just to remind you makes it REAL again. After this call, my husband and I sat down and discussed what we really thought. Deep down I believe we are both in denial, or maybe we just believe in miracles... You can take that either way    We just know they have to give her another test and it will come back fine, maybe this one didn't because she had surgery two weeks before the test and since she was under sedation prior, it might have played a role on this test.. Wishful thinking maybe... 

Is it better not to know this is all happening or you glad you know? Was a question I got this week.. Made me think..

 For a week my child has ran unexplained fevers... If I didn't know, I would say oh it's due to virus, but know that is a side effect she might have with her heart condition and needs attention called to it Yesterday, at school Paislee was taking time out of playtime at school " to rest" she said. What four year old rests during playtime? Was she tired since this was our first day back at school since the break, or was it her heart?  

Do I want this to haunt me forever, will it? I sure do not want it to. Will I always question myself? As my husband and I were talking tonight, we just thought if someone else had this, so we could know its common, we could be told the risks, but they don't, nor do we really want someone to because we do not want any parent to feel this way.  So we keep waiting for our team of doctors to give us options......

On a lighter note, we were out of school due to weather, so we went for lunch at the Mexican place... Both children were happy!!!