Decoration Sunday

I probably blog about this every year but I want to be able to look back and see my feelings, thoughts, etc from year to year. This past Sunday was decoration Sunday in Alabama at Dads church. It is more like a homecoming for the church members and pay tribute to our loved ones who have gone before us. I have gone since I was a small child and hardly ever missed one. This one was different. Emotions were flying around. I was happy because I got to see family who I rarely get to see but yet sad because I don't see them a lot. I was also angry. As I put the flowers on my dads tombstone with my four year old little girl and my three month old little boy, I become sad and angry. I am angry because my children will never meet my dad on this earth. My dad was not physically there when my daughter or son was born. My daughter only knows him through pictures and stories. As she gets older questions start to arise and the more detailed explanations I have to give. I get sad because my daughter wants to see him and doesn't understand why. I am sad because my dad was such a caring and giving man and they can't experience that for themselves. I know I should be happy because he is in a better place, but that is a struggle that I deal with constantly I get mad when my friends don't treasure the fact their dad is still alive or when they have a dad to turn to in time of need and I can't pick up the phone to call mine. Don't get me wrong, I know my dad is in heaven and watching me but I am selfish and want him here on this earth. And then my emotion turns to happiness because my children do have an angel watching over them. So please remember to treasure the moments you have with your parents and make sure your children get to know them through visits, etc because you never know when it can be taken away and you will just have the memories. On a lighter note, we also got to visit my dads only remaining brother, my uncle Glenn. I am glad Sawyer got to meet a part of my dads immediate family.